I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for a while now but honestly, I can’t quiet wrap my head around the emotions I am feeling. It is a mixture of strange, difficult, heartbreaking and uncertain emotions. I mean, it’s not like this snuck up on me. I have been dreading this time since the day Taylor was born almost 26 years ago.
I knew the moment they laid her on my chest that I was CREATED to be a mother. It’s the only title I ever wanted. I took to motherhood with abandon and don’t regret a single thing about it. I never wished my kids would hurry and grow up and leave. Heck, I didn’t even want them to leave for a friend‘s house. I ADORED them and wanted to be with them. Were there times that having 4 kids under age 7 was difficult? Sure! Was having 4 kids in 4 different schools in 2 different towns hard? Absolutely! Were there hard lessons and heart breaks in the teen years? Yep! Would I do it all over again? IN A HEART BEAT!!! YES!!
I didn’t think I would survive dropping Taylor off at college, my only girl, my mini me. I had dreaded this day for 18 years. Saying goodby was the hardest thing I had ever done. Going back home, the boys and Bowen and I drove for 100 miles without saying a word.
We were not the same anymore. Someone was missing. CREAMERSTRONG didnt feel so strong anymore. But we woke up the next morning and schedules were still crazy and there was school work to do and ball games to be played, and we survived.
In two short years it was Clay’s turn to be dropped off at college. Maybe the second time would be easier. Please, let the second time be easier!!
Nope! Just as hard as the first time! Terrible! The three boys that had been inseparable were separated. Another piece of us was gone. But we woke up the next morning and schedules were still crazy and there was school work to do and ball games to be played, and we survived.
For three years it was just “the little boys“ at home. (It took a long time for me to stop using that term). Shane and Guy almost literally became joined at the hip. They went everywhere and did everything together. They left for school together every morning, came home together every evening, worked out together, played together and worked on the ranch together. Their summers were full of football camps and football workouts, all together.
Then we dropped Shane off at college. Easier? No! Heart breaking to watch brothers say goodby. Devastating!
Another quiet car ride home. But we woke up the next morning and our schedule was still crazy and there was school work to do and ball games to be played and we survived.
I really have enjoyed having Guy to myself. He is hysterically funny, kind and compassionate and we are close. I can’t wait for him to come home from school every day!
Just one boy at home means the house has been quieter for the last two years. I don’t like that. I liked the noise, the guitar, the drums, the video games, ESPN, the laughter.. the hysterical laughter, every day!
The nest is almost empty and I am so emotional. I cry at any memory. I cry when I find Nerf bullets behind the dresser. I cry when I notice that the bald spot in my front yard grass that was “home plate” for a thousand front yard baseball games has now grown over. I cry when I think about not having to wait up from Guy to come home from a date.
We have a full and exciting few months ahead! In June Clay will be marrying the love of his life! We couldn’t be happier!!! It will be a magical day and I will get another daughter!
Just three weeks before the wedding Guy will graduate. Two weeks after the wedding, Guy will leave to report for summer football at college. Then we will officially move him into his dorm in early August. There will be a quiet car ride home. And we will wake up the next morning with no schoolwork to do and no ball games to be played. And I’m not sure how I will survive.
I don’t mean for this post to feel negative or hopeless.., just real. Of course I will survive with Jesus by my side, with Bowen holding my hand, with the encouragement and compassion of my friends that are just a few short steps ahead of me on this journey. So many things I want to do and places I want to see and friends I want to catch up with. But at this very moment, I’m just not looking terribly
forward to facing my new “normal.”
Thanks for reading this and for letting me share my honest and real emotions. If you have any empty nest advice, I’d love to hear it. I NEED to hear it.