Whew.....deep breath.....don't lose it......I'm having one of those out of nowhere, lump in my throat moments that totally take me by surprise. Ugh, now? With my arms elbow deep in the sink?
Lately they can happen any time and anywhere. I realize that this is my second post in a row about the impending "empty nest." I'm not going to apologize for that because this is where I am at the moment and after 26 years of raising kids in my home, facing the empty nest is kind of consuming. I don't want to write a sad or depressing post about my last child leaving home and all the struggle and emotions that come along with that. However, I DO want to be honest and open about where I am and how it feels. Anyone that knows me any at all knows that I'm not much for sugarcoating. I'm more about telling it like it is, so why should my blog be any different?
Theses last weeks are HARD! Beautiful, special, wonderful but hard! I am an emotional person by nature, a crier, a lover, a nurturer. Lately, my thoughts have been bombarded with memories of the past 26 years with a greater intensity and frequency than normal. No, this isn't my first child to leave home, I've been through this before, but this is my LAST, the end of the most wonderful, rewarding chapter. What has caught me by surprise in a (mostly) sweet and tender way are the unexpected random memories that pop into my head. They can show up on the happiest of days in a crowd of people or alone in the evening watching the sunset on the ranch.
I'm also realizing that there are chores and activities that I have routinely done for SO LONG they are second nature to me and I never considered I'd miss them. I never even thought a "last time" would come. Yet here I am at my kitchen sink hand scrubbing the home field dirt out of the home whites for the last time. The same sink that I've hand washed all my boy's #2 jersey. They all wore the same number and two of them wore the exact same jersey. I've washed this exact same shirt in this exact sink DOZENS of times. Tuesday night is our last home game, Senior Night. I'll never hand scrub the dirt and grass stains out of baseball pants again......I'm gonna miss this.